He Doesn’t Mean To Call Me Names

“I know he loves me I just know it he doesn’t mean to call me stupid, fat, or ugly he is just frustrated and so much is going on at work that I have to be here for him things will get better when he gets work under control I just know it.”  When someone we love use words like stupid, ugly, idiot, fat, and other cutting words you are a victim of emotional abuse.  If someone you love use humiliation and criticism against you that is emotional abuse.   When someone we love uses these types of nasty words or gestures we don’t always acknowledge it because for some reason we don’t recognize it as abuse initially.  There are truly times when our loved one intends no harm.  There are times when someone abuses you because they are angry for various reasons, for instance in the statement above “he is just frustrated and so much is going on at work” or your loved one could have lost a job, they may be in debt, or they may be experiencing an illness.  Sometimes everyday life can bring on anger because that person does not know how to deal with it other than lash out on others.  Then there are other times when you loved one is purposely vicious and wants to intentionally cause harm.  These types of abuser seek to control by name calling, using swear words, and attempting to mental manipulate their loved ones.  These types of abusers are insecure and they believe if they tear you down it would build them up. Victims of abuse often make excuses for the offender such as “He didn’t mean it” or “He just talking don’t take him seriously” or “What he was trying to say was”.  It’s time to stop making excuses for your abuser.  Victims of abuse believe that these offenses are temporary and they truly believe that with time their love one will change.  Some believe that they have the power to change them.  Victims it is time to make a change know you self worth love yourself enough to seek professional help.  Know that your worth so much more, establish what you want our of your life, and determine what is worth dealing with in your relationship and what is not.  In an article titled, Walking on Eggshells by Joyce Morley Ed, D, “Anyone capable of slapping you around emotionally can also slap you around physically it’s the gateway to greater pain (2010)”

 

Danielle’s Story #2

The Diary of Kimberly

I told myself that once I settled down with someone and stopped playing games he would be the one I would loose my virginity to because he would be the man I love.   That was the one thing I promised myself but that was a promise that I did not keep.  I thought my first love would not force me to go against my morals.  Now, I know that no one can force you to go against the person you are, only you can give in and do that.  I thought that I personally would never go against the standards I set for myself but one can ever tell what you will do when you think that you have fallen in love.   So why did I pick Shawn to get close to, I have no good reason other than my heart was controlling the hell out of my brain.  It’s…

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The Diary of Kimberly

Based on true life events of many women both young and those mature “The Diary of Kimberly” is a way for each woman to tell their story using their own words.  For each woman “The Diary of Kimberly” is not only their way of healing, it is a way to bring awareness to issues that many of us face.  Each one of these women is brave in telling their story and they are taking back themselves and their lives.  Visit the website at  www.thediaryofkimberly.com

Bullying: Leeya’s Story #4

I ran home and told my parents about what was said to me about raping me and my parents were furious.  The very next day they went to the school which is what I was afraid of.  I was told that if my parents came up to the school then they would make it worse for me and they made good on that threat.  I will never forget on a Tuesday in April the boys started to touch me in the coat room they were all over me.  At one time two boys held me down while the other was the look out.  I was hoping that someone, anyone would come and help me.  I kept thinking where was the teacher and why couldn’t anybody hear me screaming.  This assault went on forever it seemed.  I kept thinking during, this isn’t happening to me then why is this happening to me what did I do to deserve this.  Finally one of my classmates this boy Jamie stood up for me and even got into a fight with one of the boys for me.  Jamie risked getting in trouble for me which he did.   I didn’t tell anyone about the incident for fear that it would happen again.  After that incident I have never been the same.  I can’t stand for anyone to touch me.  I flinch when my mom tries to hug me.  I can’t sit close to anyone.  When someone touches me I feel weird.  You just don’t think things like this would ever happen to you. When your young you have such an innocence about life that you don’t feel like there are people out there who would try to hurt you.  I was happy, I had a great life, great parents, and great siblings.  Why did this happen to me?  I don’t know and I don’t know if I could ever allow anyone to touch me.  After that incident Jamie and I became friends it reminded me of my friendship with Mariah and how I saved her from being bullied but now someone is saving me from being bullied.  The friendship had grown with Jamie, sometimes he would walk me home to keep the kids and preteens from bullying me. I remember he admitted he had a crush on me when walking me home from school one day.  Jamie was very goofy he always made me laugh,  he had big glasses with a mouth full of braces but he was so kind hearted.  I didn’t care about what he looked like on the outside that just wasn’t who I was and not the person my parents taught me to be.  Jamie would not have been Jamie without those glasses and goofy smile.  I explained to him that I couldn’t have a boyfriend but I liked him too.  Soon after Jamie couldn’t walk me home anymore because his mom started to pick him up after school again that is when the bullying started back but this time much worse.

For more stories about real women go to thediaryofkimberly.com

Bullying: Leeya’s Story #3

Over the years my grades dropped drastically and I was depressed. I remember walking home well, running home to escape the snowballs that would be thrown at me or even the name calling.  When I arrived home I was happy that I there just to be able to get a break from all those mean comments and constant jokes I use to hear about my nose or should I say “my smurf nose”. I love to see my family after that long day of being bullied. But that all came crashing back down, reality set in and a voice in my head said “Leeya don’t forget you still have to go to school tomorrow”. Every night for four years I would cry myself to sleep asking, praying, and begging for God to give me strength to help me. That next morning I would wake up earlier then I was suppose to, thinking of a plan to get out of going to school that day but it failed.  My daddy always drove me to school in the morning. I was always in his caravan in the backseat I would get anxiety I couldn’t catch my breath and sometimes I would shake. Every time he stopped at that red light my heart stopped it was time for me to get out the van. He always said “Bye have a good day I love you” and my voice always broke when I said” I love you too.”  Every step I took away from that van I always wanted to run back into my daddy arms and cry and say “Don’t let me go”.  I knew if I did that I was weak I wanted to be strong, I was strong. I went into those school double doors ready for the battle that was suppose to happen, but I really wasn’t.   There would be boys in class that would touch me inappropriately in the coat room sometimes I was in shock and didn’t say anything.  One time a boy said he was going to rape me……………..

Bullying: Leeya’s Story #2

Mariah and I became very good friends.   I found out she didn’t have the best of clothes even the best hygiene as well but it didn’t matter to me.  She was still a human being no matter what anybody else thought.  People still came up to me everyday saying “Stay away from her” or “She gives off bad luck”. Soon after a rumor was going around that I was the “new target”.  I remember waiting outside of the school for Mariah one day so we could walk into school together but after a couple minutes of waiting I decided to go inside the school. I was greeted with name calling and kids laughing.  I ignored it and continue to walk to class.  When I walked into the class to look for Mariah she wasn’t at school I felt out of place she was my only friend at the time.  The rest of the week Mariah was out sick.  During this time I got pushed to the wet ground, teased, food thrown at me, and I even got a nasty note left on my desk telling me “I belong with the stinky girl” with a smiley face at the end of it.  I was growing sick and tired of the name calling.   I decided to try and make some new friends but every time I opened my mouth to say “hi” they would run the other way yelling and screaming saying “Stinky girl best friend is trying to talk to me.”  This only made things worse……………………………..

Bullying: Leeya’s Story

My name is Leeya I was a happy, outgoing and caring young girl. But that was before I became a victim. I was bullied for four years. This is my story on how I became that victim or should I say “New Target”. It started off when I witnessed a group of kids picking on this innocent girl crying in the school hallway. I was disappointed when other students in the school walked by or even decided to yell “shut up” to the girl. I knew picking on others was wrong the girl just cried and cried. Knowing me I couldn’t just stand there and watch I stepped in and told them to “leave her alone”. I handed the girl some Kleenex to wipe away her fresh tears that began to run down her cheeks. I told her “everything was going to be ok”. She smiled and hugged me and said “Thank you so much I appreciate it”. I told her my name was Leeya and she told me hers was Mariah. The boys that walked by asked me “Do you really wanna be friends with that stinky Mariah girl”. I looked at them and said “yes” with confidences. They looked shock and said “Very dumb move for a cute girl” and walked away leaving Mariah and myself alone. I turned around to see Mariah crying again I asked her “What’s wrong” she looked me straight in the eye and told me “You shouldn’t have done that Leeya. If you become friends with me you’ll be their new target.” I didn’t care, I laughed and said “Mariah we are friends and don’t worry I’m not going to become their “new target”. I started to walk off but I heard her whisper “I’m so sorry God please protect her for what’s about to happen”.

Visit thediaryofkimberly.wordpress.com for more on the story of Leeya.  Feel free to share to Facebook and Twitter let’s bring awareness to bullying it is a real issue and we are loosing our next generation of leaders to this growing problem.  Let our young people know it is not okay to bully someone because we all are human beings and need to be treated as such.  Thank you truly from Visions of Sisterhood.

Teens depressed or stressed?

Just by being unhappy on any given day doesn’t mean that you are depressed.  We all experience bad days or bad weeks that may cause a sense of sadness.  Teenage depression is more than just bad moods or sadness.  Depression is a serious problem that impacts life however; choosing to leave the depression untreated can lead to problems in school, home, drug and alcohol abuse.  Depression can also lead to murders and suicide. By learning the symptoms of depression you can learn to spot warning signs.  Offer support to a teenager going through depression can help him or her get back on track in their lives.

Some symptoms of depression are listed below:

• depressed mood or sadness most of the time (for what may seem like no reason)
• lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
• inability to enjoy things that used to bring pleasure
• withdrawal from friends and family
• irritability, anger, or anxiety
• inability to concentrate
• significant weight loss or gain
• significant change in sleep patterns (inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get up in the morning)
• feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• aches and pains (even though nothing is physically wrong)
• pessimism and indifference (not caring about anything in the present or future) thoughts of death or suicide

Teen years can be tough however it seems that most teens can balance out those years.  They maintain good friendships, they are successful in school, find the balance with outside activities, and they develop a strong sense of self.  When teens suffer from depression their personality can be destroyed.  Depression is highly treatable if teens seek help and if parents, guardians, teachers, counselors, friends, and others that may be close to teens get an understanding of the signs of depression.

We want our future leaders to grow into happy, healthy, strong adults.  

Cyber-Bullying

Cyber bullying is a widespread problem in school and communities across America and it is unacceptable.  Cyber bullying involves children and teens between the ages of 9-17 who are being threatened, harassed, embarrassed, and humiliated by other children in their age groups.  This type of behavior causes many unfair ramifications for those who are being bullied and those ramifications are suicides and drop out rates.  This type of behavior does not allow the schools to do their job of teaching our children; it strongly affects academics and one’s social skills and causes emotional and psychological damage.  In some cases the bullying is so extreme that is leads to violence “murder”.

Children use the internet and other electronic devices such as cell phones to partake in this kind of conduct.  How many of you have been or know someone who has been a victim of cyber bullying?  If you know someone ask them to speak with an adult.  There have been way too many victims of this abuse we all have to work together to help prevent it.

Having Children Just to Abuse Them

There are so many children in the world who are victims of child abuse.  A couple from Arizona was arrested because of alleged child abuse because of pictures posted on Facebook reported by foxnews.com http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/12/30/arizona-parents-arrested-over-facebook-images-duct-tape-bound-children/.  Why do people have children just to abuse them?  Child abuse is more than broken bones, neglect, or bruises it has long term effects.  Child abuse lies within these four categories physical abuse, sexual abuse, general neglect, and emotional abuse.

• Physical Abuse – signs include injuries that are unexplained, complaints about beatings, consistent bruising.
• Sexual Abuse – signs include pain when sitting or walking, indiscreet masturbatory activity, Genital bruises or other injuries in the area.
• General Neglect – a child showing signs of dehydration, looking malnourished, having bad hygiene for example:  bad teeth, smells no bathing.
• Emotional Abuse – signs include sometimes compliant, shy, withdrawn, passive, destructive, and aggressive.

When detecting child abuse you have to look for a number of signs in the child because those signs can take place at any given time.  Some signs of child abuse are:

• Child being withdrawn
• Complaints about beatings
• Is unusually fearful of other children and adults
• Has an injury that is not adequately explained

There are many other signs that a child is experiencing abuse such as

• Parents show little concern for the child
• Parents do not adequately explain an injury the child has suffered
• Parents are very strict disciplinarians

In a report by Robert Preidt (Medline) says that “a new study finds abuse in childhood may be associated with changes in the teenage brain.”  The study basically reports that teens that have been abused have less gray matter in the brain; this is the tissue that contains the brain cells read more on this study at http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_119375.html.  Abuse in any form is not okay if you suspect that a child may be a victim of child abuse you can contact your local Child Protective Services Agency or contact the National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).  If we stand together we can help.